Hopes and Dreams - another Mirages of Hope poem

Sometimes I stop,

ponder,
wonder,

what were my hopes and dreams?

When did I start living and worrying,
day-to-day,
day-in-and-day-out,
forgetting about the grandiose plans,
what I wanted to be?

Now I want to remember, but can't.

Somehow my mind is blocked,
me blocking me,
the soul of the soul,
captive to lesser me thoughts,
groveling at the bottom of the barrel,
wondering when it will all change.
Thinking small.

But,

God does have plans for me.

What are they, when will they be apparent to me?
Where does my heart have to go to find out ?

More journey?

Enjoying more of my now,
so I can be given different or more?

Perhaps,

Can I quicken it somehow?

Perhaps,

It is time to give up my will,
surrender to the unknown,
mirages of hope,
that turn into waterfalls of knowledge,
that will develop into faith.

It is time.
 
RDC
8/6/2010

Moment of Singleness

In bed alone,
tears fall freely.

No child to tuck in,
my life journey,
ends with me.

How did my choices get me here?

If I'm the captain of my soul,
somehow I followed the wrong map.

A wayward sailor,
thinking the adventure lead,
to the really promising destination.

At the conference I meet people,
from all over,
talking,
listening,
eating,
sitting at the pool.

They got married somehow,
had kids,
went to baseball games,
tucked them in,
school plays.

Somehow it bypassed me.

The dress purchased,
the rings,
the flower girl clothes,
best men ties.

The man - he isn't thinking of me,

lost in his pain,
in his sorrow,
job loss,
money gone,
bill collectors calling non-stop.

No more musings of hope,
faith shattered,
heart torn.

What next?

My heart aches.
 
 
RDC Midnight 8/12/2010