"Out of Office" replies

1.I am currently out of the office at a job interview > and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.> Please be prepared for my mood.> >

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am> out of the office. If I was in, chances are you> wouldn't have received anything at all.> >

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my> brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our> management team.> >

4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return> from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in> the order it was received.> >

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99> for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your> message.> >

6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection.> Yourmessage has n ot been delivered. Please restart your computer and> try sending again.(The beauty of this is that when> you return, you can see who did this over and over> and over ...)> >

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing> system.You are currently 352nd in the queue, and can expect to receive a> reply in approximately 19 weeks.> >

8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by> your computer for my response.> >

9. I've run away to join a different circus.> >

10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical> reasons.> When I return, please refer to me as 'Stephanie' instead of'Steve'.