1.I am currently out of the office at a job interview > and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.> Please be prepared for my mood.> >
2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am> out of the office. If I was in, chances are you> wouldn't have received anything at all.> >
3. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my> brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our> management team.> >
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10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medical> reasons.> When I return, please refer to me as 'Stephanie' instead of'Steve'.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Funny - Nature of God
GOD ENJOYS A GOOD LAUGH >> >> >> >> >> >> There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black: >> >> 1. He called everyone brother >> >> 2. He liked Gospel >> >> 3. He didn't get a fair trial >> >> >> >> >> But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish: >> >> 1. He went into His Father's business >> >> 2. He lived at home until he was 33 >> >> 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God >> >> >> >> >> But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian: >> >> 1. He talked with His hands >> >> 2. He had wine with His meals >> >> 3. He used olive oil >> >> >> >> >> But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian: >> >> 1. He never cut His hair >> >> 2. He walked around barefoot all the time >> >> 3. He started a new religion >> >> >> >> >> But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an >> American Indian: >> >> 1. He was at peace with nature >> >> 2. He ate a lot of fish >> >> 3. He talked about the Great Spirit >> >> >> >> >> But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish: >> >> 1. He never got married. >> >> 2. He was always telling stories. >> >> 3. He loved green pastures. >> >> >> >> >> But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman: >> >> 1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food >> >> 2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just >> didn't get it >> >> 3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was >> still work to do >> >> Can I get an >> >> AMEN!!
Story - 1,000 marbles
The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings. Perhaps it's thequiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it's theunbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hoursof a Saturday morning are most enjoyable.A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the garage with a steaming cup ofcoffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as atypical Saturday morning turned into one of those lessons that life seemsto hand you from time to time. Let me tell you about it:I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the band on my ham radio inorder to listen to a Saturday morning swap net. Along the way, I cameacross an older sounding chap, with a tremendous signal and a goldenvoice. You know the kind; he sounded like he should be in the broadcastingbusiness. He was telling whomeverhe was talking with something about "a thousand marbles." I was intriguedand stopped to listen to what he had to say."Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you're busy with your job. I'm sure theypay you well but it's a shame you have to be away from home and yourfamily so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixtyor seventy hours a week to make ends meet. It's too bad you missed yourdaughter's "dance recital" he continued. "Let me tell you something thathas helped me keep my own priorities."And that's when he began to explain his theory of a "thousand marbles.""You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The averageperson lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and somelive less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years."Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3900, which is thenumber of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime.Now, stickwith me, Tom, I'm getting to the important part.It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in anydetail," he went on, "and by that time I had lived through overtwenty-eight hundred Saturdays." "I got to thinking that if I lived to beseventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy. So I wentto a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up havingto visit three toy stores to round up 1000 marbles. I took them home andput them inside a large, clear plastic container right here in the shacknext to my gear.""Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown itaway. I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on thereally important things in life. There is nothing like watching your timehere on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight.""Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign-off with you and take mylovely wife out forbreakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container.I figure that if I make it until next Saturday then I have been given alittle extra time. And the one thing we can all use is a little moretime.""It was nice to meet you Tom, I hope you spend more time with your family,and I hope to meet you again here on the band. This is a 75 Year old Man,K9NZQ, clear and going QRT, good morning!"You could have heard a pin drop on the band when this fellow signed off.I guess he gave us all a lot to think about I had planned to work on theantenna that morning, and then I was going to meet up with a few hams towork on the next club newsletter..Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss. "C'mon honey,I'm taking you and the kids to breakfast." "What brought this on?" sheasked with a smile. "Oh, nothing special, it's just been a long time sincewe spent a Saturday together with the kids. And hey, can we stop ata toy store while we're out? I need to buy some marbles...A friend sent this to me, so I to you, my friend.And so, as one smart bear once said.."If you live to be a hundred, I wantto live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live withoutyou." - Winnie the Pooh.
Poem - Less is More - by Scot
> Saved this from an old email from my brother.
Subject: scot poem> Date: Thu, 13 Sep 2007 11:56:53 -0400>
"Less is more."
> Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,>
Enwrought with golden and silver light,>
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths>
Of night and light and the half-light,>
I would spread the cloths under your feet:>
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;>
I have spread my dreams under your feet;>
Tread softly because you tread upon my dreams.
> Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
> The world is too much with us; late and soon,>
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers;>
Little we see in Nature that is ours;>
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!>
This Sea that bares her bosom to the moon,>
The winds that will be howling at all hours,>
And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers,>
For this, for everything, we are out of tune;>
It moves us not.--Great God! I'd rather be>
A Pagan suckled in a creed outworn; >
So might I, standing on this pleasant lea, >
Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn;>
Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea;>
Or hear old Triton blow his wreathed horn. >
About Me: I persist. I pursue the unattainable. I change.
Subject: scot poem> Date: Thu, 13 Sep 2007 11:56:53 -0400>
"Less is more."
> Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,>
Enwrought with golden and silver light,>
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths>
Of night and light and the half-light,>
I would spread the cloths under your feet:>
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;>
I have spread my dreams under your feet;>
Tread softly because you tread upon my dreams.
> Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
> The world is too much with us; late and soon,>
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers;>
Little we see in Nature that is ours;>
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!>
This Sea that bares her bosom to the moon,>
The winds that will be howling at all hours,>
And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers,>
For this, for everything, we are out of tune;>
It moves us not.--Great God! I'd rather be>
A Pagan suckled in a creed outworn; >
So might I, standing on this pleasant lea, >
Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn;>
Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea;>
Or hear old Triton blow his wreathed horn. >
About Me: I persist. I pursue the unattainable. I change.
Funny - Performance Evaluation Quotes
Subject: Performance evaluation quotes
These quotes were reportedly taken from actual federal employee performance evaluations:
1. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this employee to breed
3. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
4. When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.
5. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
6. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
7. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
8. This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.
9. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to acheive them.
10. Got a full 6- pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
11. A gross ignoramus ? 144 times worse than an ordianary ignoramus.
12. He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier.
13. I would like to go hunting with him sometime.
14. He's been working with glue too much.
15. He would argue with a signpost.
16. He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.
17. When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.
18. If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one.
19. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
20. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
21. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
22. Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
23. Has two brains: One is lost and the other is out looking for it.
24. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
25. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
26. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
27. It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
28. One neuron short of a synapse.
29. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
30. Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
31. The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead.
These quotes were reportedly taken from actual federal employee performance evaluations:
1. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this employee to breed
3. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
4. When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.
5. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
6. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
7. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
8. This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.
9. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to acheive them.
10. Got a full 6- pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.
11. A gross ignoramus ? 144 times worse than an ordianary ignoramus.
12. He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier.
13. I would like to go hunting with him sometime.
14. He's been working with glue too much.
15. He would argue with a signpost.
16. He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.
17. When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.
18. If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one.
19. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
20. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
21. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
22. Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
23. Has two brains: One is lost and the other is out looking for it.
24. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
25. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
26. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
27. It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
28. One neuron short of a synapse.
29. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
30. Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
31. The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead.
Funny - Kids in Church
KIDS IN CHURCH
>3-year-old, Reese:
>"Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen."
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>One particular four-year-old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>A Sunday school teacher asked her children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door?They're hushers."
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5 and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
>'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
>
>3-year-old, Reese:
>"Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen."
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>One particular four-year-old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>A Sunday school teacher asked her children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door?They're hushers."
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5 and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
>'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
>
Quote - learning
"In a time of drastic change, it is the learners who inherit the future. The learned find themselves equipped to live in a world that no longer exists."
Funny - Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
Why did the Chicken Cross the Road?
GEORGE W. BUSH - We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL - Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
HANZ BLIX - We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.
JACQUES CHIRAC - We will veto any resolution regarding noncompliance of the chicken whether it has or has not crossed the road!
MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq ambassador) - The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have a chicken.
SADDAM HUSSEIN - This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
AL GORE - I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.
RALPH NADER - The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling
SUV.PAT BUCHANAN - To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
RUSH LIMBAUGHI - don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.
MARTHA STEWART - No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
JERRY FALWELL - Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too.I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."
DR. SEUSS - Did the chicken cross the road?Did he cross it with a toad?Yes, The chicken crossed the road,But why it crossed, I've not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY - To die. In the rain. Alone
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. - I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
BARBARA WALTERS - Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
BILL GATES - I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
ALBERT EINSTEIN - Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON - I did NOT cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?
GRANDPA - In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
COLONEL SANDERS - I missed one?
GEORGE W. BUSH - We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL - Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
HANZ BLIX - We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.
JACQUES CHIRAC - We will veto any resolution regarding noncompliance of the chicken whether it has or has not crossed the road!
MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq ambassador) - The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have a chicken.
SADDAM HUSSEIN - This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
AL GORE - I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.
RALPH NADER - The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling
SUV.PAT BUCHANAN - To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
RUSH LIMBAUGHI - don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.
MARTHA STEWART - No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
JERRY FALWELL - Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too.I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."
DR. SEUSS - Did the chicken cross the road?Did he cross it with a toad?Yes, The chicken crossed the road,But why it crossed, I've not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY - To die. In the rain. Alone
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. - I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
BARBARA WALTERS - Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
BILL GATES - I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
ALBERT EINSTEIN - Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON - I did NOT cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?
GRANDPA - In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
COLONEL SANDERS - I missed one?
Funny - Favorite Flower
While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Tom and his wife, Peg, listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He addressed the men, "Do you know your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched Peg's arm gently and whispered, "Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it?"
Funny - Parrot in the Freezer
A young man named Jon received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
Jon tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
Finally Jon was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. Jon shook the parrot and the parrot got even angrier and more rude. Jon in desperation, threw up his hands and grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then, suddenly there was total quiet, not a peep was heard. Fearing that he had hurt the parrot, Jon quickly opened the door to the freezer.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jon's outstretched arm and said , " I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I am sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions. I fully intend to do everything I can do to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior ."
Jon was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. He was about to ask the parrot why he had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, but the bird continued...
"May I ask what the chicken did?"
Jon tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.
Finally Jon was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. Jon shook the parrot and the parrot got even angrier and more rude. Jon in desperation, threw up his hands and grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then, suddenly there was total quiet, not a peep was heard. Fearing that he had hurt the parrot, Jon quickly opened the door to the freezer.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jon's outstretched arm and said , " I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I am sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions. I fully intend to do everything I can do to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior ."
Jon was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. He was about to ask the parrot why he had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, but the bird continued...
"May I ask what the chicken did?"
Friday, July 24, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Quote - Relaxation
Relaxation is an art that has been made very difficult to practice by the conditions of modern civilization.
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